Sorry it’s been so long since I last blogged, I’d made the decision when I came back from my Xmas trip that I didn’t need tinkerbellknits anymore, that I wasn’t her anymore.
That’s not to say I’ve given up knitting, far from it – I’ve made myself another steeked Kate Davies cardigan, made a friend’s new baby a cardigan, endless socks and mittens for presents for people and while I’ve yet to finish my own quilt I have made one for a friends wedding present which may be simple but I’m very proud of it.
All that and endless adventures aside, I can’t suppress the need to write honestly. To be more than just the adventures. To say – that while I finally love being single and the freedom I have, I don’t like the stigma that comes with it, even from friends.
My best friend is constantly trying to fix me up with someone as she feels sorry for me, and my relationship status is the first thing she asks me about when we meet up.
And I hate male friends who try sympathy when they’re drunk and tell me it’s because I’m quiet or lack self confidence and say things they think will cheer me up but only make it more obvious I’m alone. The worst are those that say I’m more outspoken when I’m drunk and it’s nice that I am- as if they’re being nice but really pointing out I’m naturally quiet. Yea I’m a thinking not a talker.
I hate being judged for being single. Why do I have to be in a relationship? I know a few single girls who genuinely are unhappy being single. I was once.
As much as I genuinely love being single for the massive freedom I have (which I’m making the most of), I hate the moments I feel alone.
I’ve no time to think often as I’m so busy having fun doing stuff I’ve always wanted to do, but I hate that I’ve not been on a date in 2 years. 2 years since anyone flirted with me or I with them, 2 years since I had a hug from someone not a friend or family. 2 years since I was kissed. When I think like that I hate that I’m in my mid 30s and feel like I’m the only single person in the world.
So tinkerbellknits does still exist however much I’ve tried to bury her beneath the fun – I’m mostly alone but rarely lonely, and I wish that people could deal with that- it’s not a choice but I’m still relishing in the opportunity.
So, I’ll keep knitting and recommend you all support the single girls in your life just by telling them they’re amazing every now and then, don’t make them feel bad about being single and keep them smiling when others make them feel down.