Did I make the right decision?

So, despite thinking that I would see how everything goes with my partner before making any decisions, I saw him for 3 hours this weekend, and its over.

It felt like the right decision and I told him only what was relevant; that we were in a rut and that as much as I love him I can’t go on waiting for things to change – for him to find a job and move in. And that being on holiday I’d met a lovely couple who did everything together and I realised that that was what i wanted.

I didn’t mention vacation guy, as despite us having emailed a lot since I’ve come home, he’s not really the reason. And it would have broke his heart. I’m not really leaving him for someone else, I had to make the decision for me irrespective of what might happen with the other guy.

I was upset last night but felt it was the right decision. That I couldn’t wait any longer for our relationship to move on. He was really upset but we didn’t shout at each other. He still loves me and I know I’ve broke his heart.

But after not much sleep I’ve woke this morning thinking maybe I made the wrong decision. We were so good together, and he never moaned about me disappearing off to do things I wanted to do even if that was for odd week trips here and there. And we always had fun and laughed and while he might have wanted to do different things on holidays I still enjoyed them too and he always gave me the freedom to go off and do my own thing.

I now feel like I’ve thrown away the best man I’ve ever met. I know I feel like that because we’ve been together for so long and I’m having trouble imagining life without him. But I don’t know what to do. He’s still my best friend and I still care about him.

I know I have to see him again at least once as he still has my door key and I have some of his stuff. What do I say?

And vacation guy has been emailing me more than twice a day (I’m trying to be pragmatic and putting that down to him being bored at work). And he said he would call me on Friday to see about meeting up. I’m certainly happy to receive his emails, and I’m even being a bit neurotic and checking a bit too regularly to see if there’s another.

Do I meet him and see how it goes? Do I allow the flame to still burn for my ex in case I’ve made a terrible mistake? (he’s sweet enough he’d probably take me back). Is that even fair to him? Or me?

Or do I just try to move on?

Why can’t life be simple? Why couldn’t I be happy not wanting more?

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13 Responses to Did I make the right decision?

  1. I sTayed good friedns with my ex, but if you want to do so I would say it’s important that you both know it’s over, don’t keep him hanging on – It’s cruel, it will make him a sap and you a total bitch. Give him some space for a month or two and then pick up as friends. I wouldn’t get too involved with vacation guy either, take some time to remember who you are without a man in your life

    • thanks, I need that sort of honesty. I’m not planning on getting too involved with vacation guy since he doesn’t live near me anyway, and I’d like to think I’d be able to remain friends with my ex but I’m not sure he could.

  2. Mistine says:

    I met my current partner on the tail-end of my previous relationship. I didn’t necessarily leave him for another man, but meeting another man made me realize that there was better and I didn’t need to settle for what I had been.

    Do what is right for you. Don’t make yourself feel guilty or let others do the same. I’ve been with my “rebound” guy for two years now and our relationship is stronger and more loving every day.

    You deserve to be happy and if you weren’t, or didn’t realize you weren’t, then you made the right choice.

    • Aw its good to know there’s light at the end of the tunnel. i’m glad it worked out for you and your guy, I’m just hoping I’m strong enough to make the right decision and stick to it at the moment. Thanks for making me feel better. x

  3. YOu have moved on. Your partner now knows how you feel about your relationship. That is a big, scary step to take. And by the sounds of it you both dealt with the revelation in a civilised, caring and rather sad way. You have no relationship if you can’t express deeply felt emotions. He is still in your life and possibly this is the tricky bit because maybe he’ll hope it was just a moment of madness. And that is for you both to find out. Would you feel differently if he really saw he needed to change his life pattern – by the sound of it you are much too young to be ‘cosy’ which is what your relationship seemed to have slipped into. Now is the time to give yourself a break find your own space. Just keep on being brave and honest and doing what you feel is right for you. Which I know is very hard when you feel vulnerable, rather lost and unsure. But please remember the deep unhappiness you were feeling if not expressed now will end up a sour bitter sadness deep insideVacation guy must get in the queue. He was the trigger but not necessarily THE ONE. Sort out how you feel now. You obviously like adventure isn’t this the most exciting adventure your own life?

    When my first marriage broke up it was me who instigated it. There was another man involved but in a very chased way. I was so very shocked that I could feel so passionately about another man and I also realised that if I felt like this now after only 3 years something was very wrong. And I went. After 5 years on my own I met my love. WE were passionately in love for 4o years. I am sadly now a widow but his love surrounds me still and the endless great memories of our life together fill me with joy. It was not always easy and we had plenty of tough and very sad times but our deep love (or whatever you want to call it) was never in doubt for either of us. I treasured that man from the first time I saw him right to end of his life and now I endlessly call on him to keep me going till my time comes. He is still my heartbeat.

    Forgive me for writing all this. I just want you to believe in your own intuition. Sometimes we cannot explain how we feel except to say it feels strongly right or wrong. I feel sure you’ll find your right road in life. Anyone who loves knitting should be able to figure it out even if we have to unravel and start again now and then.

    This comment is so long – feel embarrassed by it but if any bit helps you see or feel clearer to the way forward well,here goes I’ll post it

    • thank you so much for your honesty and kind words. I think I know vacation guy won’t be the one and he’s just a trigger and in many ways I’m glad he’s happened even if it comes to nothing as I obviously needed to see that I could have more. That I even deserved more.
      But I do hope I find someone as special as your man and I’m going to try to believe in my own intuition. I don’t know if my ex will change his ways, I doubt it, and I’m not sure at the moment if it would change anything if he did. i think I’ve felt this way for a long time and as painful as it is I think I’m glad I’ve been able to make the decision finally.
      Thanks giving me honesty and hope. x

  4. Do what’s in your heart and don’t worry about what you “should” do…if you want to meet the new guy, go…if you’re still reeling and need a moment before jumping in, then explain that to the new guy. if he’s worth it, he’ll understand. If he doesn’t understand, he’s not worth it.

    • I think I need to find the confidence to meet him again after everything that’s happened since I last saw him. But I have to know if I’m happy in another man’s company even if he turns out to not be the right one. I’m fine with that, I just need to find the strength to move on. Thanks for the advice. x

  5. salpal1 says:

    Don’t second guess yourself – which is not the same as saying you can never change your mind. You were ready for a change, and I think you will be glad you made it, in the end – so many comments above mine here that make that point. But yes, you still have a loss to deal with – a hole where he was.

    But I think in the long run, you will realize you made the right decision. I think it had been in the back of your head for a long time, and vacation just nudged it up front, when your subconscious was ready to share what it had been working on. 🙂

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