On the emotional rollercoaster, but at least the knitting is done

I’m not sure I need to be an emotional train wreck just before Christmas, especially since my boyfriend is not only coming to stay for the holidays but also meeting my family for the first time.

He had a business trip for a fortnight since I came back from visiting him a few weeks ago and in that time I managed to end up ill.  I initially opted for seeking medicine (resulting in 3 different courses of antibiotics to sort me out) and this week I went for reiki in order to try to chill out. From which I learnt my physical illness seems to be caused by being emotionally worn out.

It’s been a fantastic month being with him, and I’ve never been happier, but it seems I’m not sure I can handle that. The reiki was fantastic even if I couldn’t properly relax. However, she also provided unexpected life coaching, the result of which it seems I have an issue with trusting myself and holding back. Personally I’m not sure how to correct that since its something I’ve always done.

My best friend then also lent me a meditation CD which I failed to get past opening my heart chakra (a dead rose I imagined! what the hell?!) before crying my eyes out. When I finally got to the end of the CD I felt fine until I got a really lovely message from him and then set off crying again.

So I’m having a real problem accepting that I deserve him as he’s so wonderful. I’m not daft enough to think he’s perfect and I’m strong enough to know my happiness comes from me not anyone else. I’m quite self sufficient in that respect, but it appears accepting his caring nature and keenness (I’m not using the word love as neither of us have gone there yet) is a bit of a problem. At least I can hold myself together when I’m around him.

Moving on to cheerier subjects, the good news is that the stripy jumper which has been a WIP since September and mum’s Christmas present is now finished!!! This seems to have taken forever to knit and I have been distracted by other small projects, a holiday of a lifetime and my boyfriend and ensuing mental state, but it is finally finished.

I was initially concerned that the sleeves might have been a bit short but the shoulder seam is quite low, so they seem like they should be ok. The pattern is a stylecraft one but I can’t find it on Ravelry to share it.

Thank god for small mercies otherwise mum would be missing something handmade this year. I am never knitting a stocking stitch top again though. I hope it fits!

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