Valentines – what it was and wasn’t

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Valentines is too heavily wrapped in expectation for new couples and despite being rational and realistic I think I fell into that trap last weekend.

Venice was wonderful and amazing and I wouldn’t change a thing about it if I could (ok expect the part where I got too drunk on the 13th and woke with a hangover on the 14th which wasn’t particularly romantic).  He loved the scarf by the way. Phew.

But somewhere between us I sensed we were expecting something from each other, that neither of us gave.

I am exceptionally rubbish about sharing how I feel with people, largely due to fear of being rejected, or laughed at, or ignored. But I also don’t trust my own emotions so don’t share them. I have one friend that I trust to share anything with.

The whirlwind romance of our relationship (so different from anything I’ve had before) has meant that I have been cautious to not mistake lust and joy for love. And the fact that I have realized that I do care about him a massive amount has left me confused and afraid to share how I feel.

Whilst much more open than me, he is sensitive and obviously waiting for me to give as well. This absence was noticeable by me, and must have been by him. I could feel it in the days following Valentines which left me annoyed with myself and also feeling incredibly vulnerable.

So…. I’ve given myself a good talking to in the few days of reflection I have had, and committed myself to a romantic gesture of a picnic I am taking with me tonight when I drive to see him. And more importantly a card – which ends saying I have something to say. I have no way of getting out of it now. I’m not sure I will have the confidence to say I love him, but I have the confidence to say how much he means to me without requiring him to say anything in return. For the most important lesson I’ve learnt this week is that I don’t need him to say anything at all, I just need to say it myself.

Wish me luck!

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The Answer

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5 Responses to Valentines – what it was and wasn’t

  1. cedwards83 says:

    Good luck! These things are always tough.

  2. For someone who writes as fluently as you (and knits beautiful scarves) just stop beating yourself up. I’m sure this lovely man will give you time to express yourself – gestures and how you relate to each other without words is much more important just go with the flow – it sounds as though its all there so relax, enjoy these wonderful discovering days. Remember early days so you are still circling each other not quite sure but very sure that its worth the effort. You don’t need luck because you’ve got love (but maybe you need a little courage!)

  3. KerryCan says:

    I hope this goes well for you! Let us know!

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