I’ve had a terrible week since I last posted. Emails pinged around coated in tears and a phone call that ended everything. And the worst thing is he still likes me, but the problem is the 200 miles between us. He can’t cope with a long distance relationship if he can’t see how we might have a future together. He doesn’t want to move north and I don’t want to move south and there doesn’t seem to be a place in between that suits. It seems crazy to be even talking about where we’d live when we’ve only been together 5 months, but it seems thats the average lifespan of a long distance relationship and he doesn’t want to waste time if he can’t see us living together.
I’d hate him if he wasn’t as upset about it as me. I’d hate the rowing which is the major factor why he won’t move north if it wasn’t one of the things I love about him.
He wants us to still be friends, which is good as I don’t really want him to not be in my life. But as friends living so far apart we’re unlikely to see each other more than a couple of times a year I suspect, based on other friendships I have of such distances. And there is a huge part of me that hopes we’ll see each other again, camping or walking on neutral ground and he’ll miss me enough. But I also know thats unlikely to happen. I’d be happy being single and having my freedom, if I hadn’t just met the man of my dreams.
But I’m getting on with being busy, so I’ve been filling my diary up with things to distract me. Including a dress making course in a few weeks. So having found myself spending Easter in Wales alone (and not in Scotland with him) I popped into Abakhan’s store on the way home for some therapeutic fabric shopping. Of course I bought wool which I didn’t really need, but it was purple and I couldn’t resist!
I’ve also started knitting Ysolda Teague’s Follow your arrow mystery KAL which gives different options throughout for how to knit the shawl. I’m enjoying knitting a shawl which I don’t know what it will end up looking like, which is a bit how I feel about myself at the minute. Hopeful!