Anyone want to share advice??

Ok, so I’m back to being a mess. Doesn’t seem to take much.

And now I think I’m after some advice if anyone wants to share some.

He emailed me Friday to say he’d noticed I’d changed my status on Facebook to single and that he was sad, and to cut a long email short asked me if I wanted to go camping in the lakes next weekend.

Of course I know what I want; for him to see me again and realise he’s been an idiot and can move 200 miles north to be with me. But a bigger part of me thinks I’m just wasting my time. I would like to think I’m capable of being his friend as I like his company, and would love to go walking with him. But I guess I don’t want to be used.

He isn’t willing to commit to me, but wants to have the part of me he wants – the walks. It doesn’t help that he’s currently judging me on a couple of inappropriately timed emails from me where I did manage to make myself sound neurotic. So should I go just to prove I’m not, what am I achieving? Is it going to help me? Am I just prolonging an agony that I thought I’d got over last week?

Am I being used? Or is he just offering an olive branch of friendship?

Someone more rational please tell me the answer?


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13 Responses to Anyone want to share advice??

  1. thenarcissistwrites says:

    I know you want to go, and if it were me I know I’d go despite my better judgment because I’m a sucker for pain like that. But the better judgment really is that it’s a waste of time and it will end up hurting you more. You should say no, and you should try to stop talking to him as well. And then you should move on, go on dates with other people, have fun. In my experience the best way to get over someone is to find someone else to spend time with.

    • Thank you for being so honest, I think I just needed someone to tell me that. I miss him and I thought I’d got over him this week and but I’m worried that letting him back into my life. But a huge part of me doesn’t want to let him go as I know he cares about me… just not enough. Thanks x

  2. dayanaknits says:

    Ugh, I am the same as thenarcissistwrites. I would go against my judgement as well, and it would be the wrong wrong wrong thing to do. But I don’t think he is necessarily using YOU, I think you are using each other… and sadly, to no good purpose. My thoughts are with you, whatever you decide!

    • Thanks, I don’t think I’d thought about how I’m using him. You’re probably right, but I think I’m an idiot and likely to go. If there’s a glimmer of hope it might end well I wouldn’t want to turn it down, and if nothing else I want to be able to tell him to his face that whilst I care about him I know i deserve more…. I’m an idiot I know!

  3. Marianne K says:

    I can’t help thinking he’s hoping YOU will realize you’ve been an idiot and can move 200 miles to be with him. You’re not that willing to commit either. Why is that? At the end of the day there’s always more regret about the things we didn’t do than about the things we did.

    • I know, we both have stuff we love about our lives that we’re not willing to give up, for him it is rowing on the Thames for me it is knowing I have the moors on my doorstep and mountains a couple of hours away. Neither of us think the other should give something up, but I know i secretly hope he realises there’s rivers up north he can row on. I said I would compromise and move some way for him, but not all the way, but he won’t go half way. I can’t help feeling if I took the risk to be with him, I’d still come second to rowing… At least he like walking and we can share that! Its mad, because all my life I’ve run from situations I might find myself rejected and yet I know that is exactly what I’m walking into if I go next weekend.
      I do realise it won’t work, but I can’t help hoping….

  4. Forget all the emotional baggage, Do ‘you’ want to spend the weekend walking, would it give you pleasure? Forget what he wants, just treat this as an ordinary weekend, go if it’s what you want, stay if it’s not S x

    • yes I do, I’m so confused because I know we’ll have fun walking this weekend, its all the emotional baggage that gets in the way. But yes, I want to go walking. I just need to find a way to not get emotional unnecessarily. Thanks x

  5. Isn’t this like picking at a scab that was just starting to heal? Enjoying his company whilst walking surely just opens up the emotional turmoil in your head and heart. Can you learn to row? Is it possible for you to show him the lovely rivers in the north where you could possible share his rowing passion. Or could you find other friends to join in the walking so you sort of protect yourself from being alone with Mr. Wonderful. If only life was as easy to untangle as a mass of yarns (but even then you sometimes have to resort of using the scissors).

    • I wish life was as simple to solve as knitting. I’ve been thinking about what you said (as i used to be a scab picker when I was little) and yes you’re right, but I think I need to be able to say goodbye, even if I don’t actually have the balls to say I can’t be friends I need to have that closure. I do know though I’m probably just making it harder coz we’ll probably have a good weekend and find neither of us gets closure. But I have to have hope…. I think I’ll just always wonder if I draw a line here and now.
      I am fully expecting to end up sad and in tears.
      I wish I could show him rivers up here, but I think I’d come across as pushy at this point and I think we need the distance that him being in the USA will bring. I’ll either decide that I don’t need him or he’ll decide he needs me. But if I don’t see him this weekend, I feel like I’ve already made that decision, which I don’t feel capable of. I wish I could hand my life over to someone else right now!!

  6. On reading your reply I absolutely think you should go BUT to enjoy yourself forget the sad old tears. Let your heart sing out with joy – live in the moment. You both have fixed agendas which if you are going to go forward need a lot of tweaking and compromise on both your parts. So let the weekend just be FUN. He knows how you feel and he is probably surprised at his own feeling about you. So just enjoy the walking and each others company – forget tomorrow and the possibilities. Your life right now is full of passions and because they are real there is no script . If this is the big goodbye be grateful for what you have learnt and felt and enjoyed. And smile (through your tears probably!) You sound such a lovely person don’t let yourself down and don’t wish your wonderful life away.

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